THE ARSE END
(A fresh look at Liverpool from the west end of the East Lancs)
Liverpool - The Fool Of Life
'Red Attack' Latest
Police today released details of the youth suspected of the recent Albert Dock Red Spray Can attack. He is described as wearing Nike Trainers, Nike Trousers, a grey Adidas Sweat shirt and an Adidas Basbeball Cap. Police are presently interviewing 25,233 suspects. If you've seen anyone acting suspiciously in the City Centre recently then please don't phone the Police as they just don't have those sort of resources.
Dear Editor. A far better use for Kings Dock would be as a site for the long proposed ' Wasn't it great when the war was on and we all got bombed out ' Museum ( As proposed by BBC Liverpool's Mr Fakes.) Not only would the Dock Road not be invaded every week by hoards of football fans, but at last the City would have a home for those of us who think the world was a better place when School beatings were frequent, trams were slow noisey and uncomfortbale and racial and sexual abuse was far more acceptable among Priests. Of course critics will say I'm just living in the past. Yours obediently sir, Arthur Snell.
I'd like to say thank you to the person who mugged me last Tuesday in Townsend Avenue He may be glad to know that because of that incident I've been on pills and have had to have my cat put down.
City wins ' City of Gum' Status!
It's official - We're tacky!
Liverpool's five year bid for the European City Of Gum award bore fruit today, when it was announced that Liverpool had beaten off all-comers in it's attempt to be named the 2001 'City of Gum . '
The seemingly never ending attempt by it's citizens for the award which has involved the spitting-out and pressing down of an estimated 2 billion pieces of gum onto pavements in and around the city, was finally rewarded with the announcement this morning from Geneva by Gum Award President Alpodus Redick , that Liverpool was officially the 'tackiest and stickiest city in Europe.'
Liverpool, which beat off strong challenges from various other leading sticky public areas around the globe, including New Delhi and a leading St Helens nightclub, was in celebratory mood today. As the news broke, it was met with delight by Local Councilors and the general public alike. Richard Cathar, the chief Organiser for the bid was quoted as saying " To the people who said we couldn't do it, it's a slap in the face, hopefully literally. At last we've silenced the critics who said it couldn't be done. To everyone who has chewed gobbed and then trod down, I say thank you, a billion thank you's. People laughed when we said we could do it. Now the joke is on them and I spit in their face......mainly metaphorically.
Announcing the award officially to the press was Campaign Secretary Muriel McBike, a last minute stand-in for the Campaign Executive Ken Sharples who was unavoidably delayed due to a particularly unfortunate mass 'gumstick' incident outside Boots. Mr Sharples and 15 others were finally released by Fire Fighters two hours later, Fire Fighters describing it as one of the worst incidents of 'Chewstuck' they had seen. The stuck shoppers however agreed with Mr Sharples that the success of the bid bode well for the City Council's ultimate aim for 2003 'City of Flem, bid' a bid that is now up and running despite yet another High Court injunction from well known local pavement artist Mike 'It's in me hair again' Carter.
Workmen replace an unsoiled pavement slab in preparation of the City of Gum award panels visit back in March.
And in yet another first for Liverpool today, Singer Songwriter Gerrry Marsden's 1963 hit 'Ferry Across the Mersey' won a 'Crock' a Croatian Music Award at the Croatian popular Music Awards for 'Best song about a Ferry .' While visiting the City of Zargreb where the awards took place, Gerry took time out to visit the local hospital being photographed there with a local Local landmine Victim
Click here for Fish Supper Rail Incident
In an exclusive interview , a Liverpool Council Official speaks of the 'Modernising Liverpool Plan in Moving forward - How we intend to leave the past behind'
Also Next Week!
News of Liverpool City Councils plans to rename Liverpool airport after a band member of a group who split up 31 years ago.